Low confidence and low self esteem can impact our lives in such a way that may prevent us from making decisions, cause us to hide away from social situations, avoid doing things that might be challenging, procrastinate all the time and stop us from enjoying life to the best we can.

There are many reasons why we might lack confidence. In the past we may have been criticised, bullied, experienced relationship breakups. Even if we don’t remember the events, our subconscious mind dealt with it at the time by filing it all away and storing it, affecting our decisions on a daily basis.

We may have difficulty speaking up, say sorry all the time, feel guilty for things we’re not responsible for, think people won’t like us or accept us, agree with others because we don’t want to upset them and negative self talk.

All of this can be very distressing. We feel that we want to do different things, accomplish things, be noticed, but taking the step forward can seem well out of our comfort zone.

Recognising our own self-worth is a very important first step. If we can be more self-aware of what makes us feel so low and dragged down, we can begin to make changes and help ourselves to overcome negative thought processes.

If we’re telling ourselves every day that we’re “not good enough, we can never be happy, we don’t deserve this and that, everyone will laugh at us”, then our brain believes it and thinks it is keeping us safe by accepting this as the norm and that it’s the right way to be. Of course this is our primitive negative brain that is in control and preventing us from doing the stuff we want to do and enjoying our lives to the fullest. But it’s doing it for a reason, it believes it is keeping us safe. The primitive brain is all about survival and if what we did yesterday keeps us safe, then it will encourage us to do it again. All those years ago, our ancestors relied on their primitive brains to keep them safe from wild animals and other tribesmen, always on red alert to danger. The primitive brain hasn’t changed at all, it never evolved. So if we don’t raise our hand in class or speak out at a meeting then we don’t have to feel anxious and panicky and sweaty and that’s a relief isn’t it, so we choose not to. We choose not to endure anxiety and embarrassment reminding us of how low our confidence is. So there you go, the primitive brain, helping us to survive…sticking to what it knows is safe for us and avoiding that panic situation of coming face to face with a wild animal!

Well there is some good news! We can say no to this primitive brain! We can learn to recognise negative thoughts and we can challenge them. When we make a decision to be more confident and we practice this, then the better we become at it. It is then more likely to become a habit. An extremely good habit! We can replace the negative self-talk with positive mantras and visualisation. Many professional athletes use the visualisation technique, they visualise their game or event before it takes place, watching themselves succeed.  

This very same tool can be used by any of us wanting to improve our confidence and build our self-esteem. We can do this by imagining ourselves raising our hand at a meeting, talking to new friends, applying for that job we’ve always wanted, being successful. We can also say to ourselves “I can do this” “I am good enough”, “I deserve to be successful”.

Repetition and practice actually changes the neural pathways in our brains, accommodating our new habits and confidence. It doesn’t have to be big leaps that we take, we can start small, taking tiny steps and building our confidence bit by bit until we’re comfortable with where we are at.

When we feel confident, our happy chemicals are released. We feel good about ourselves and our self-esteem, self-worth and even our willpower are given a boost. This can also impact on those around us, our friends, loved ones, people we meet when out for a walk even, all engage with us on a more positive level, so we’re actually spreading confidence too.

Working with a hypnotherapist can help build confidence, it’s an area I love working with and I’m solution focused all the way. Please get in touch I would love to help.

Mandy Holmes DSFH HPD  Solution Focused Clinical Hypnotherapist   Tel: 07950 556382

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